Too Blessed, Too Stressed

Well ladies and gentleman, it is getting about that time...the end of the semester I mean. The time when everyone is just a little more stressed than usual. You're winding down to the home stretch. Did you know we have a little under a month before Thanksgiving Break? Yes. That means a whole lot to cram into a month before exams start. Sounds fun doesn't it? Maybe a little crazy even? That's the life of a college student. My life. And you know what the crazy thing is that I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love college. I love even the challenges and the constant reminders that He is in control. Everything is up to the Creator of the universe. Kind of nice isn't it? I think so. But see the thing is that the human in me still seems to still get stressed. No matter how much I try and no matter how much I see God's provision and hand in everything I do. Like for example, I had 2 tests today one right after the other. And I was supposed to have a Biology test tomorrow. But like I said, the Lord provides and the biology test was moved to Monday. But yet I still spent like most of the week up until Wednesday worrying about it. It just shows how He is faithful and that when I am weak, He is strong. And I have to continually remind myself of that because I definitely forget even though I try not to. I remember that I still mess up and I still fall. But the great news is that I know He's there to catch me. My stress and my worries are nothing for my God. I know that I should remember before I get too stressed that He is and always will be in control. I will be too blessed to be stressed. That is my goal. I may need some reminding very soon with everything piling up. You can be my witness and try to help keep me in check. Stay tuned for next time for who knows what stories there will be in this crazy college girl world! So until next time :)

What Do I Know?

There is a video that is supposed to be posted above. If it's not, I apologize. This song has been stuck in my head for the past couple of weeks. I just can't seem to shake it. It's not a bad thing because it's a fantastic song. I think that this song was put in my head because a lot of the times, God becomes so comfortable to us. He becomes natural. At least for me, He becomes almost too natural. Too comfortable that we do not realize the full impact of who He really is. Now don't get me wrong, there needs to be that strong relationship between us and Christ. But I think it gets to the point to where we forget or don't realize ALL of who Christ is. What do we really know of Holy? I know our culture and world has a definition of holy. But what does it really mean? What all does holiness entail? Christ is so multifaceted and so complex that even beginning to understand holiness and all of who He is can seem overwhelming. Overwhelmingly wonderful. God is the only One who is truly holy. So in my mind, we have no worldly comparison to the true Holy One. So my question again is..... what do we really know about holiness?? Can our minds even begin to comprehend what that really is? On this earth, can we really understand?

What really blows my mind is that the Lord makes Himself so available to us. He offers Himself to us fully; He is like a never ending book and we just have to open it and dig down deep inside. And what is so cool about that is that every time we think we have things figured out, there's another twist to the story. He is all things. And what's also really complex and cool? God has always been the same. He's always been the same person. He's the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He's always been this complex and overwhelmingly fantastic. He has always been Holy. He has always been well.....everything. It's really cool to think about.

And the coolest part of it all is that this amazingly fantastic person was willing to give their life. For us. And a cool bonus is that HE wants to get to know US. The Savior of the Universe wants to get to know us. Wow! Just. Wow. He wants us to know Him and He to know us. He doesn't want to just sit back and say, "Okay,I've done my part. Now you should know how awesome I am". Sure, He wants us to let others know of His glory and His grace. But He wants You to know Him in a totally personal and know how you take your coffee kind of way. I know that's probably not the best example but I just can't get over the magnificence of this. And He wants you to know Him.

So the thing is, do you think we would really know Jesus and His holiness if it were right in front of our faces? I would like to think so. But I don't really know. It was just something I was thinking. I hope that looking through and reading the Bible and through prayer that I would be able to know Him better and at the least catch glimpses of who He is and what holiness really is and what it means. I can only hope that He would reveal to me in time what it means.:)

Oh Management of Time

So... lately, I've been finding myself supremely busy. Like I have had a meeting or something like that every day just this week. I talked to my freshman about time management. I think the truth is that I needed what God was saying to me just as much as they might have. That hits me with a big realization... Am I spending too much time on other things and busying myself and taking time away from God? Taking time away that I can be at peace and spending time with Him and employ His saving grace and give back to Him? I know that doing these ministries here at school are great and I am enjoying the time to put into them. But lately these days what I seem to be giving the Lord is not enough. Like God is saying to me "Hey, you. Yeah you. I'm over here too." It just seems like the reading at night and prayer that I'm doing just isn't sufficing. I'm feeling a little restless and a little disjointed. I don't really know how to describe it. It's just this weird feeling that I'm getting. And I don't like it. Not at all. I know that I make mistakes. It's all because I live in the flesh. The only person that is perfect is the Lord Jesus Christ. But knowing that I can never be even close to perfect just seems to burden me even more. We are called to be like Christ. And I feel like I fall so short sometimes that I am the worst representation of what Christ is like. It burdens me that so many people are dying and will never know the love, the mercy, or the compassion of Jesus Christ that only He can give. My heart breaks at all of these things. He gave everything for me. He gave His sinless life for me and I feel like I only give Him the minimum sometimes. I cannot even fathom the love that Jesus Christ had for us that He would do something totally selfless for me who is more selfish than selfless. I know they say that you are your harshest critic but I fully believe that Jesus burdens us for things that we would look over, forget or miss. I think that I have definitely been missing out on time with Him. And I am going to vow myself to spend more time in the Word and more time in prayer because I don't want to give God just the minimum. I don't want to get so complacent with the way that my life is. I don't ever want to think that I'm good because Jesus saved me. That I'm good because I have put my faith and trust in Him. Because I'm not good. There is nothing good in me. It's all Jesus Christ working in and through me.

Packin' Up

Which is way better than backin' up. like that lady on the auto tuned version of the newscast on You Tube. It's a very funny video. If you haven't seen it already, then you definitely should. It is hilarious!

But anyway, I am packing up some of my clothes and things because I am going to GA for a whole week to see my aunt. I have been going to see her every year I believe since I was only 10. We always have fun. And this time, my mom will be going for a couple of days. We'll be able to do all kinds of stuff and I am pretty excited.

So, it is light outside now. I can't believe I have stayed up the whole night. I haven't pulled an all nighter in a long time. Certainly not one this summer. I think the last time I pulled an all nighter was my second semester in college during exam times. Oh, freshman year! haha

I do have some new news that I find exciting. I actually have some nails to speak of!! For the longest time (like since I can remember) I have always bitten my nails. I believe it has turned into a nervous habit unfortunately. I love having even just the little bit of nails that I have. I just have to keep it up not biting my nails. It seems that I grow them out for a while but I always end up biting them off. Not this time. Not this time. I will prevail!
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But anyways, I do not want to admit this but I guess I will. I kind of want to see the Red Riding Hood movie. I am a little ashamed I guess because it sounds like a new spin of that Twilight movie. Which I did not like. I know a lot of people like all of that Twilight business. And that's okay. But it's not my style. But this is supposed to be Little Red Riding Hood. And now because of all of the Twihype, it is turning this story to sound like Twilight. Which when I think about it, since most people like Twilight I guess it would make sense. But still, I mean, really?!? First the teens fiction section and now movies that are supposed to be stories from my childhood? I think it has gone too far. And if it hasn't, then it will soon. Oh well, I will get off my rant for now.

By the way, sorry for getting all deep on you guys on the last post. But I have decided that I am going to take control and I will beat this. No matter what, no giving up. well, I guess that's all for now. Until next time...

This is Real, This is Me

So, lucky for you, I just happen to be in the soul bearing mood. haha. But anyways, serious time.

I have always struggled with my weight. It is something that has always followed me like an unwanted visitor. It has really gotten to me in the past. Well, when I went to college, I just started to make better decisions. I only drank water. But that was probably because it was so hot outside that drinking anything else was out of the question. But anyways, I started eating a lot more vegetables and being in college, I walked everywhere. Pretty soon, I started to just lose weight. It was a great feeling. And I loved it.

I started to gain more self confidence. I didn't look at myself as what I was but more of what I was becoming to be. And it felt great!! I loved the new me. But.... (there's always a but isn't there. haha) but, I somehow lost sight of things. I just made poor decisions in my eating choices. You know, sometimes, it's easier to not make as good decisions as far as eating wise. And it's always the excuses. I had a paper due and I was stressed. Or I couldn't fit the gym in to my schedule this week because I had this or that to do.

Being at home for the summer hasn't helped things much either. Not that it's my parents fault. Nope, I am taking full responsibility because that's where it should be. My poor choices didn't necessarily stop. You know, weight loss is just like a battle for anything else. It is a day by day kind of thing. I didn't sit back and realize the consequences that a string of little bad decisions would cost me.

Before I knew it, I gained some weight back. Not all of it thank goodness. And I won't. I know that it is not healthy and I will not allow myself to go back to that. Ever. I know that by just making good decisions, can lead to more good decisions and better health if I want it. And I do. More than I probably know. To tell you the truth, I sometimes feel like a thin girl trapped in a bigger body. But I can't let myself get discouraged. I won't.

I think the biggest realization that I needed to get healthy was when my brother was diagnosed with Diabetes. I believe it is one of the reasons that I need to get healthy. I know what you're thinking. Just because he has Diabetes doesn't mean you will get it. And I know that. But see, the other thing is, Diabetes is genetic. My dad was diagnosed with it when I was a kid. My grandma on my dad's side has it and my papa has it. Therefore, my concern is therefore heightened.

And I want you to know that by writing this, I am not expecting pity, sympathy, or anything else. I really have no idea why I am telling all this. And on the internet. I guess I just felt like I needed an outlet and this is what I came up with. So, here it is.

Okay, so enough of the sad stuff. I am an eternal optimist most times. Sometimes, there is a dash of reality thrown in there. But for the most part, I like to stay optimistic. I know I can beat this. I will be thin eventually. I just have to dig down deep and find that motivation, remember that each decision I make is important, and never give up hope. And most importantly, I know that I cannot do this on my own. I am definitely going to need God's help with this one. It's more than likely that I have failed all of the other times because I did not seek His help. I will beat this.

So, if you are reading this and you are in the same place as me, just know that you are beautiful no matter what you weigh. Society tries to tell us that we aren't beautiful unless we fit into their size 4 cookie cutter model mold. But I refuse to believe that. We may have some not so good days, but do not give up hope! You are fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator. And you know what? He loves you just the way you are!! Even when you don't love yourself. And if you ever need any encouragement or someone to be there for you, I am here. Even if I don't know you personally. I hope that this will touch someone. Even if it doesn't, that's okay. But I really hope that it does. Until next time...