This is Real, This is Me

So, lucky for you, I just happen to be in the soul bearing mood. haha. But anyways, serious time.

I have always struggled with my weight. It is something that has always followed me like an unwanted visitor. It has really gotten to me in the past. Well, when I went to college, I just started to make better decisions. I only drank water. But that was probably because it was so hot outside that drinking anything else was out of the question. But anyways, I started eating a lot more vegetables and being in college, I walked everywhere. Pretty soon, I started to just lose weight. It was a great feeling. And I loved it.

I started to gain more self confidence. I didn't look at myself as what I was but more of what I was becoming to be. And it felt great!! I loved the new me. But.... (there's always a but isn't there. haha) but, I somehow lost sight of things. I just made poor decisions in my eating choices. You know, sometimes, it's easier to not make as good decisions as far as eating wise. And it's always the excuses. I had a paper due and I was stressed. Or I couldn't fit the gym in to my schedule this week because I had this or that to do.

Being at home for the summer hasn't helped things much either. Not that it's my parents fault. Nope, I am taking full responsibility because that's where it should be. My poor choices didn't necessarily stop. You know, weight loss is just like a battle for anything else. It is a day by day kind of thing. I didn't sit back and realize the consequences that a string of little bad decisions would cost me.

Before I knew it, I gained some weight back. Not all of it thank goodness. And I won't. I know that it is not healthy and I will not allow myself to go back to that. Ever. I know that by just making good decisions, can lead to more good decisions and better health if I want it. And I do. More than I probably know. To tell you the truth, I sometimes feel like a thin girl trapped in a bigger body. But I can't let myself get discouraged. I won't.

I think the biggest realization that I needed to get healthy was when my brother was diagnosed with Diabetes. I believe it is one of the reasons that I need to get healthy. I know what you're thinking. Just because he has Diabetes doesn't mean you will get it. And I know that. But see, the other thing is, Diabetes is genetic. My dad was diagnosed with it when I was a kid. My grandma on my dad's side has it and my papa has it. Therefore, my concern is therefore heightened.

And I want you to know that by writing this, I am not expecting pity, sympathy, or anything else. I really have no idea why I am telling all this. And on the internet. I guess I just felt like I needed an outlet and this is what I came up with. So, here it is.

Okay, so enough of the sad stuff. I am an eternal optimist most times. Sometimes, there is a dash of reality thrown in there. But for the most part, I like to stay optimistic. I know I can beat this. I will be thin eventually. I just have to dig down deep and find that motivation, remember that each decision I make is important, and never give up hope. And most importantly, I know that I cannot do this on my own. I am definitely going to need God's help with this one. It's more than likely that I have failed all of the other times because I did not seek His help. I will beat this.

So, if you are reading this and you are in the same place as me, just know that you are beautiful no matter what you weigh. Society tries to tell us that we aren't beautiful unless we fit into their size 4 cookie cutter model mold. But I refuse to believe that. We may have some not so good days, but do not give up hope! You are fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator. And you know what? He loves you just the way you are!! Even when you don't love yourself. And if you ever need any encouragement or someone to be there for you, I am here. Even if I don't know you personally. I hope that this will touch someone. Even if it doesn't, that's okay. But I really hope that it does. Until next time...